Why do you think Waytown Cosmo chose you to interview?
Clearly I was your last resort.

Ski a mountain or surf a wave?
Surf a mountain. I was just thinking, if I was invincible I think surfing the lava flowing out of an erupting volcano would be really intense.

What is the most awkward moment of your life?
My first days at Wayland were pretty awkward, I just kind of ate lunch on that bench outside the Arts Building and acted awkward and new I guess.

What field do you hope to pursue once graduated from college?
Once graduated from college I plan to spend a few years traveling the world, acquiring knowledge about various cultures. During my travels I think I’ll read the encyclopedias from A to Z and then go on Jeopardy and pull a Ken Jennings by making tons of money by knowing stuff. If that doesn’t work I think I’ll get good at holding my breath underwater and be a Japanese Pearl Diver.

What is your favorite magazine besides Waytown Cosmo?
I enjoy Highlights for Children; the “hidden pictures” section is always challenging and entertaining.

Is there any particular advice that you get out of that magazine?
Don’t grow up.

What do you look for in a girlfriend?
Having a last name that’s also a first name is pretty important.

If you can date any celebrity in the world, who would it be?
Betty Grable was pretty foxy.

What was the happiest moment in your life?
I think it was Monday, when Ian Stack asked me to do this. I was ecstatic.

Do you enjoy hunting? If so, why?
I enjoy hunting small defenseless animals like grasshoppers and sea stars but I do not have a bone to pick with large bears or things that may kill.

What is your favorite movie and why?
Wayne’s World, without a doubt. Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he dressed up like a girl? Exactly.

What is the one thing that people do not know about you?
I have eleven toes and a glass eyeball and I lost my sense of smell when I was twelve and I am a straight A student and a habitual liar.

Is your last name really Bagel?
No, but because I am a member of the Federal Witness Protection Program I use it as an alias. If you all knew my real name was Orville Redenbacher Jr. then I would be dead before this thing got a hundred views.

Who is your role model?
I’d say it’s a tie between Ferris Bueller, Butch Cassidy, and Indiana Jones.

Choose three adjectives that can describe you.
Kind, swiftly, a fine specimen, modesty, intelligence, hey!, the.

If you were trapped in a 4 by 4 room and you could choose one person to be in there with you, who would it be and why?
Andre the Giant, I think he would be able to tear down the walls and get us out.

What would you consider a perfect date and why?
I think going to a quiet beach where it was like 80 degrees but with a little breeze, and a waiter would appear out of nowhere and give us cold root beer and ice cream sundaes would be pretty awesome.

Is singing in the rain a common activity for you?
I’m tone deaf I think so I’d say I’m more about chanting.

What sight makes you jump out of your shoes or makes you the happiest man in the world and why? What smell?
I haven’t jumped out of my shoes yet, but I’ll be deep and say World Peace might do the trick. Actually I’m not sure if that’s a sight. Anyways, I like smells, but not so much as to shed footwear over.