How CPR could cause some real freshman follies…

CPR! Every freshman has to learn it. Currently, half of my gym class is doing it and I’m in that half. We get to practice on mannequins. It’s not like the real thing, but I doubt that the Board of Education or the Board of Health would let us kill a student just so we could practice on him.

“Oops, it didn’t work. OK, someone tell his mom, and we need a new body.”

That’s the problem with the mannequins; you can’t tell whether or not you’re successful. But at least you can have a little bit of fun while practicing the (admittedly serious) CPR. Just add in some dialogue while doing compressions: “Come on Jeremy, it can’t end! Not like this! You’re not dying on me now; not when you still owe me five bucks!”

Well, if mannequin Jeremy does die on you, you could rifle through his wallet before the police get there, and pull out your money, plus interest. He’s not going to complain.

Or what if one of those people on the streets handing out fliers has cardiac arrest? “Oh come on man, you just said that you know the secret of life; you can’t hold that back from me!” But Douglas Adams gave us that answer anyway.

Anyway, who says you’re going to use CPR even if you’re trained in it? What if that rich great uncle who left you all his money suddenly has a heart attack? Or if some guy with a winning lottery ticket hanging out of his pocket croaks? They don’t train us for those situations…

Andy