The student news site of Wayland High School

Wayland Student Press

The student news site of Wayland High School

Wayland Student Press

The student news site of Wayland High School

Wayland Student Press

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Parking threatens the people’s snacks

Parking threatens the peoples snacks

There’s been quite a buzz at Wayland High School recently over the news of the administration’s withdrawal, due to construction, of senior privileges and parking next year. The juniors are in an uproar over the destruction of a way of life that has forever been intact for WHS seniors. This news is potentially the greatest tragedy in the history of this little dot on the map we call Wayland.

It is believed that the elimination of these privileges next year will cause a proportional decline in snacking across the school. Several polls were taken to gauge how juniors felt about the situation. In a recent imaginary survey created by the senior class, 88% of juniors polled believed that their Einstein Bagel and Starbucks consumption will dip dangerously low because of the new restrictions. In fact, 23 angry juniors surveyed simply ate their survey out of the hands of the surveyors.

“We’re hungry, and tater tots and Bosco sticks just simply won’t do it,” stated one junior as he chomped down on a 2-page questionnaire.

“I heard Bolocco’s was going to be featuring a new line of burritos, and to think I’m going to have to wait until the weekend to eat them is just disheartening,” another student responded.

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The idea of sneaking out during frees is simply out of the question, considering that 93% of WHS students are terrified of Ms. Mauchan. This means that in order to avoid getting demerits, kids will have to step up and use their voices. The class of 2011 is speaking out with an important message that they want all the grades below them to hear: “Who among you will join the fight? They’ve taken our parking spots, they’ve taken our right to leave campus, don’t let them take away our snacks!”

Other non-snacking related complaints are also beginning to emerge from the junior class. “Who will I show off my new BMW to now? This is a travesty!” shouted yet another angry 2011 graduate. This is a fine point indeed. 2011 models are expected from a variety of car companies next year. How will students be able to inform their schoolmates that they have oodles of cash to spend on luxury vehicles if they don’t have a parking lot to put those luxury vehicles in?

The future seniors of WHS aren’t going down without a fight. Public protest and rumors of a mass parking lot sit-in have been stirring throughout the school. Several squirrelly-looking juniors have been seen in the depths of the media center drawing up protest signs and conspiring in small groups. When our WSPN coverage team approached them to ask a few questions, we were met with only downward-pointing eyebrows and a bounty of stink eye. We were, however, able to uncover the motives of the group: to overthrow the tyrannical leadership that has taken away their god-given right to leave campus for 45 minutes and waste their parents’ money.

A wide demographic of juniors were polled recently, from the slightly agitated to the morally outraged, and when asked how this harrowing news compared to current events there was a variety of responses.

Questions presented included:“On what level of importance would you say the issue of senior parking compares to the recent election of Scott Brown to the U.S. Senate?” Students responded with “Who’s Scott Brown?” and “What’s a Senate? Isn’t that, like, Obama’s Bodyguard?” These responses demonstrate the obvious dedication of these juniors to their cause, to the point that they won’t even allow national news to interfere with their job: to regain senior parking.

The current status of the senior lot and open campus is not looking pretty for the posh teens who had been waiting for the day these privileges would be handed down. Those who so dearly wanted  to rush home at 10:00 in the morning to eat breakfast with their moms and watch soap operas are going to miss out next year — unless they can get their voices recognized. Be heard, class of 2011! Fight for your right to be a hungry consumer.

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  • W

    wowMar 8, 2010 at 3:46 AM

    This may be written tongue in cheek – but it still shows a major lack of maturity.

    Reply
  • E

    EmilyFeb 6, 2010 at 1:22 AM

    Crazily funny!

    Reply
  • M

    MandaJan 28, 2010 at 9:35 PM

    Excuse you

    2003 Honda Element and brown bags

    Reply
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Parking threatens the people’s snacks