We have all heard that there will be a lack of parking at Wayland High School next year on account of the new school construction. Most students with licenses will be unable to drive themselves to school, since teachers will get first consideration for parking spaces. Why?

Why should teachers get special treatment when it comes to parking, while students, the future of our great country, are left to divide up the leftovers? Teachers should have to sacrifice just as much as the students in the interest of fairness, especially because most of the teachers will still be here to enjoy the new school once it’s built. The students who could be driving to school will not be.

Ever since kindergarten, we have all been taught that sharing is caring. Shouldn’t teachers have to follow their own lesson?

Teachers should have to carpool to school for their own benefit, as well as the benefit of students. This mandatory carpool would actually help teachers get their work done. If the carpools are divided up by department, the teachers could have all their meetings while in the car.

If they do this, they won’t have to stay late on Wednesdays anymore, which I’m sure they would love. Students already get to go home early on Wednesdays, now teachers could too. Also, if a teacher had to meet with parents about a student, those parents could just pick them up and drive them to school. Both teacher and parents would save a great deal of time since the parents would probably have to drive their child to school anyway.

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This plan would also improve the relationship between teachers and students a great deal. If the teachers were willing to give up their spots it would really make the students like the teachers more. In an unofficial study conducted by Harvard University, 5 out of 5 students said that they would be less likely to vandalize their teacher’s car if said teacher were to give up their parking spots to students.

It would be very unfortunate if something were to happen to a teacher’s car because they were unwilling to carpool and give their spots to students. Students leave school during the day while teachers do not, so it makes more sense for students to have cars at school. Also, student morale would improve if they learned that they would be able to park at school next year.

There would be many other benefits for teachers themselves if they were to accept this carpooling plan. First of all, they could save a lot of money on gas. If there were five teachers in a car, and they each took turns driving one day a week, then they would only have to use 20% of the gas they would normally use in a school year.

This lessening of gas use would also help the environment and decrease global warming for future generations. Imagine the alternative if teachers don’t start carpooling now: global warming will reduce the world to a burning pile of ash. We can see evidence of this occurring already. From January of 2009 to August of 2009, the average daily temperature went up by almost 400%.

We need to act now if we are going to save the world.

Editor’s note: This is a humor article and should be read as such.