By now you may have noticed the carnage of a WHS annual tradition: the game of Assassin, performed by seniors as a sort of coming-of-age activity. Everyone is on their toes with their guard up, and security levels have been raised. Principal Tutwiler has warned the student body, but even so many seniors continue to succumb to the tactics of their assassins.

Seeing soaked seniors roaming around campus was once a unusual occurrence (after all, they definitely aren’t going to classes any more), but no longer. Every player is wielding a water bottle, but most are also protected by their precious safety items.

Here are ten things that Assassin organizers should seriously consider using as safety items.

10 suggestions for Senior Assassin safety items

1. A sombrero

Not everyone has one, but those who do are shaded from the blazing sun. One was seen in the history building a while ago….

2. A Ticonderoga pencil

This premier writing utensil is coveted by most, and is notoriously easy to misplace or get stolen.
ADDED BONUS: With seniors slumping, holding onto a pencil should be twice as hard.

3. A musical instrument

Give the band geeks a chance. Athletes, for the first time, might cower in fear of their musically gifted compadres.

4. A box of cookies

Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be tempted to risk assassination for just one bite. Ahoy matey!

5. An Expo marker

While underclassmen cannot participate, this safety item would allow them to benefit from collateral damage. As more and more markers disappear from school whiteboards, fewer and fewer students take notes.

6. A towel

After all, it adds insult to injury when you get killed by water and lack a towel to dry off.

7. “Kick Me” Post-It

In winning the game, they lose their pride. Assassins: pick your poison.

8. Your worst quiz grade

Oh, the humiliation! Wait, what does that test say? 96%?! Fat chance. Kill ’em for lying. Teach a life lesson in in humility.

9. An underclassman

A preview for future classes, a freshman’s greatest dream, a freshman’s greatest nightmare — the possibilities are fascinating.

10. ‘Safety items’ are for the weak: bring it!