For those of you who passed kindergarten (I can only hope it’s everyone reading this), you’ll have figured out that it’s fall now. That means several things: the colorful leaves, the bracing chill in the air… and the cold and flu season has arrived.

We all know what comes with the common cold. The cough, sore throat that leaves so many people unable to talk (depending on who gets afflicted with such, that’s not necessarily such a bad thing), the watery eyes, the runny nose and the sneezes so explosive that you’re afraid you’ve blown out an organ – although that last one might just be me. It has occurred to me, however, that if used correctly, an explosive sneeze could be a useful tool. Play your cards right, and you could avoid surgery to get your appendix removed.

The other big thing with the cold, as I just mentioned, is the runny nose. Unfortunately, the cure for the runny nose is so complicated that our classmates don’t seem to be able to harness it – I’m talking about tissues. So what are we resorted to? We’re resorted to the snort. The terrible noise people make to avoid the tissue. Used correctly, it can be okay, a little obnoxious, but all right.

Used incorrectly, however, and we’ve all been there, it can be the most annoying thing ever. Imagine sitting there, taking a math test, and you’ve got a classmate trying out his best Babe impression. But, being the optimist that I always am, I have come up with a solution. It’s insane to think that people will use tissues again – I get the feeling that those days are gone.

I think the snort should replace the beep. It’s a hilarious way to block out a swear:

“What the…”

“Snoooooorrrrrt!”

I’m not saying that a cold is a good thing – I just got over one myself and I remember how bad it is. I just want to show the positive aspects of one. Seriously, I said it before, it’s not something to sneeze at. Maybe just to laugh at.