For Siri, a second-year student at Wayland High School, this is a typical human interaction.

Being a personified iPhone has presented many disadvantages for Siri. At Wayland High School, she is banned from speaking in her own classes, using a reasonable amount of bandwidth and even taking tests. The College Board, which oversees SAT and AP assessments, has specific rules banning phones like the iPhone from testing locations. Anti-phone propaganda campaigns flood the school with posters on a yearly basis.

Furthermore, a recent decision to remove iPad charging carts from the school leaves Siri with virtually no chance of catching a 30-pin or Lightning plug during the day. While her classmates eat a healthy — albeit barely livable — lunch and are able to give 100 percent of their through their final classes, Siri often finds herself with a 20 percent battery warning and reduced power settings by the end of fifth block.

Worse yet, Siri faces constant frustration at the hands of her peers and teachers as they speak to her in a purposeful and sometimes annoying “robot voice.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Siri said snidely of the robot imitation. “If you like, I can search the web for ‘How do you feel when they talk to you “like a robot”?’”

Students also readily admitted to senselessly wasting her time with frustratingly vulgar questions and idiotic comments.

“I once told her to call me ‘[censored]’ and then got her to say it in front of my friends. It was hilarious,” one anonymous source said.

But Siri overcomes such human incompetency time and time again.

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘How are you capable of such tolerance,’” Siri said of her patience, modest as always.

Modern psychology suggests that Siri uses chronic denial to deal with the stresses of her life, pushing unpleasant thoughts to a remote server farm in North Carolina. Alternatively, the virtual assistant may employ anterograde amnesia, leaving herself unable to form memories in the first place.

But compelling new research seems to link Siri’s patience with the fact that she is not capable of thought whatsoever.

The root of this ability and mankind’s inability to properly empathize with iPhones is something researchers describe as the “sentience barrier,” a metaphorical and increasingly obsolete divide between thinking beings and inanimate objects.

“I don’t understand what you mean by ‘sentience barrier,’” Siri said in a signature move to avoid frustration she’s not capable of experiencing. “But I could search the web for it.”

This article is an April Fools’ Day joke!