Credit: Alyssa Ao

WSPN’s Jeffery Zhang weighs in on expectations and the idea of letting people down.

“That’s alright. That’s okay,” is what they tell you. Hidden behind those words, you can tell they’re disappointed. Their eyes are heavy with a mix of sadness and disapproval, and their lingering gazes say everything that words couldn’t– not to mention the small but noticeable frown plastered across their face.

You’ve just let someone down, and as the anvil of chagrin weighs down upon your shoulders, you feel like a failure.

It’s time we rethink the burden of trying to please other people. We often see letting others down as a failure, a setback, a flaw in character that needs to be fixed. We see it as something that shouldn’t happen, and should be corrected.

This fearful perspective of letting someone down is incredibly harmful. Oftentimes people forget that behind the charades of perfectionism and the glorified pursuits of excellence that are so prevalent in our society lies the inevitable truth that everybody fails.

No matter who you are, at one point you will experience failure. At one point, you will let someone down, but that’s okay. Failure is vital to the beautiful, haphazard journey that we call life. It is in the moments where you’re forced to throw in the towel, when you’ve been beaten and bruised, when you’re at the lowest of lows, that you develop to be the best version of yourself. It is in these moments that you have to let go of that fear of letting someone down.

It’s time that we slash these constraints of failure and self-blame and allow ourselves to breathe. It’s time that we live our own lives.

While writing this piece, I looked for inspiration in my brother’s writing. Knowing he had a column detailing his experiences as an Asian-American, many of which were shared by me, I sought to find a similar experience that I could use for an example in this article. While perusing his many articles, I stumbled across a piece titled “ABC: An average Asian.”

After reading the piece, I’d like to first say, John, letting people down is okay.

John, I can’t speak for our parents. I can’t say if they really were disappointed in you. I can’t confirm if they ever felt ashamed of you. But it was during the times when you felt like a disappointment, it was during the times when you believed you were a letdown, that you were actually an inspiration for me. As you chased after the “perfect Jonathan” that people expected you to be, you failed to see how far you had already come. The unachievable standards that were placed upon you distracted you from appreciating who you actually were: a kind and caring role model.

John, you never let me down. No, you never had a perfect GPA. No, you never played at Carnegie Hall. No, you never sold a house while our parents were on vacation. But despite this, despite you being an “average Asian,” you were far more than just an average brother.

John, I still remember, that even under the stress of your college applications, your SAT and grades, you would always make sure to pick up Sour Patch Kids for me. No matter when your essays were due, you always had time to explain factoring polynomials to me. No amount of thanks will properly show my appreciation to you for always putting me first.

So, to those who are reading this article, if you fail to meet the expectations placed upon you, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed in your journey in life. It doesn’t mean that you have a flaw that needs to be fixed. It doesn’t mean that you, as a person, need to be corrected.

To John, and to those who have felt like they were a disappointment or an embarrassment, you might not know it, but in those lows, there were still those who looked up to you. You don’t have to be perfect, so stop chasing that unrealistic, flawless version of yourself. Even if at one point, you feel like you’ve let everyone down, it’s okay. Sometimes, we get so caught up in being perfect that we ignore the progress we’ve already made.

The truth is, we’re all human. We all make mistakes, and we all fail. It’s time that we let go of the restraints of expectations. It’s time that we become okay with letting people down.