With fewer than two weeks of school left for the class of 2011, Senior Marissa Daftary explains what it means to fall victim to the senior slump and the ways it affects students.

There’s a sickness going around Wayland High School seniors, and it’s unaffectionately entitled the “senior cough.”

Symptoms include lack of completed homework, lack of studying for tests or quizzes, and most importantly, lack of motivation for anything at all related to school or learning in the second semester of senior year.

What’s the official name for this illness?

Why, it must be the senior slump! The senior slump is the #1 raging disease among teenagers ages 17-18 years old.

The first sign of senior slump is feeling absolutely no obligation to do any school work. Your thought process goes something like this: “I would rather watch TV than do my calculus homework.” And that’s a perfectly acceptable reason and excuse, though I’m sure your calculus teacher will neither appreciate nor accept that as a pass on your assignment.

As in every epidemic, there are a multitude of strains, and the senior slump is no exception. Not all seniors slump in the same way, so I thought I would illuminate the most common types of the sickness.

The Overachiever

As the turmoil of junior year came to a close, this ambitious student believed that she was ready to grab senior year by the horns. She had schedules packed with five APs and two honors electives, hoping to finish off high school with a bang.

As the Overachiever began to dust off her brain from a long and relaxing summer, she was still determined to succeed and not succumb to the laziness that is senior slump.

Of course, the Overachiever succeeded for a time. Fighting a long and challenging battle against college applications and the grueling amount of school work, the Overachiever made it to the other side without too much damage. She truly believed that she had defeated the senior slump!

But alas, the battle was far from over, and this came in the form of the first college acceptance letter.

Suddenly, those five AP exams in May didn’t look so appealing. “Does this mean that I actually have to study for those exams?” Oh, the horror! As college decisions were released, the Overachiever decided that maybe being an overachiever wasn’t such a good idea after all.

The Whiner

The second strain comes in the form of the whiny “slumping” student. There is no exact definition or description for this “slumper”, but they are easy to spot.

We listen to their his whining (halfheartedly, of course) about how he has too many things to do and so little time. He has already received a college decision, but has decided to try his hardest at school as he watches many of his classmates slack off.

Instead of ditching school for Dunkin’ Donuts’ hot coffee or Starbucks’ caramel macchiatos, he decides to spend his free periods in the media center.

He slaves at his work until the bell rings for the next period, and, when he arrives at class, he decides to whine some more. He has sports every day after school, he has two papers due in the next week, and he assures his fellow classmates that he is just as stuck in the senior slump as everyone else.

However, when the time comes to turn in homework, who is the first person out of his seat? The whiny students, of course, who simply believes that he is slumping, when in reality, he is not.

The Nine-Month-Slumper

The last strain is the most severe form of the senior slump. This is the person who hasn’t been doing work since September.

Why should it matter anymore? College is coming and senior year is a big joke. As long as she gets passing grades, colleges won’t even bother to look at her after she’s accepted.

Instead of doing hours of school work, it’s a better idea to just hang out with the friends who she’s unfortunately going to be separated from in a few months. She trades in the pencils and heavy binders for something much more rewarding: relaxing with friends and thinking of excuses if teachers ask about her untouched homework.

Although seniors slump in different ways, there are some symptoms that all the victims endure. These include: falling asleep on homework, opening backpacks at 10:oo PM to start homework, or daydreaming in class.

Don’t be fooled, all seniors will get hit by the senior slump in one way or another. Some will get hit hard, and others lightly, but the slump is ultimately unavoidable.

I hope that I haven’t painted the senior slump as being a bad thing. It’s actually the best part of senior year. Teachers don’t expect that much out of you and…

Wait, why am I finishing this article? I’m a senior. I think I’ll go out to lunch instead. Good luck on final exams, underclassmen!