Zombie Apocalypse

Undead, unthinking and unattractive, zombies have become a classic threat to our existence.

The bad news: These green, flesh-eating monsters have no human compassion, and their brains are wired so that they want to bite you. Once infected by a zombie, there’s no turning back; you have become one too! Get ready to see your closest friends and family lose their identities.

The good news: Zombies aren’t the cleverest of creatures and should be easy for a smart person like you to outwit. If you’ve ever seen a zombie movie, you’ve probably seen the way zombies saunter slowly.

Tools you’ll need:

• Shelter
• A car
• Running sneakers

How to survive: The first survival step is to stock up on food so that you won’t have to leave your house for a while. Zombie-proof your home by locking all the doors and boarding up your windows. When you eventually have to leave your house, make sure you do not just walk out immediately. Put on sneakers, so you’ll be able to sprint away from the zombies if necessary (even though you probably won’t have to run to outpace them) and access your car through your garage. Stay as close to your car as possible. Continue this method until those who discover the zombies’ weaknesses defeat the zombies.

Supervolcano

Supervolcano eruptions’ ash and debris can block the sun’s rays, potentially ending mankind and/or sending the entire Earth into a soul-chilling ice age.

The bad news: The eruption of a supervolcano would destroy all area around the volcano with giant balls of fire and has the potential of sending mankind into extinction. Our country also contains an active supervolcano, the Yellowstone Caldera. Although it hasn’t erupted since 1350 B.C., if it did, we would all be doomed.

The good news: There’s nothing you can do to prevent a supervolcano from exploding or to prepare. Yellowstone National Park is known to be a great tourist destination though, so you can enjoy this Yellowstone Caldera on your travels if it doesn’t explode.

Tools you’ll need:

• A plane ticket
• A suitcase

How to survive: To escape the slim chance that a supervolcano explosion will destroy your home, move as far away from supervolcanoes as possible. This could mean relocating to Australia.

Alien Invasion

Aliens could finally find us and move in with their ultra-advanced technology and armies. Or the aliens could just want to say hello. Whatever’s scarier.

The bad news: Aliens’ advanced technology will undoubtedly make them capable of messing with our society by kidnapping our friends and replacing them with alien-clone versions of them. Aliens are also capable of simply blowing up the Earth if they decide to do so.

The good news: The aliens who have invaded could be friendly and willing to work with us, not against us.

Tools you’ll need:

• A heart
• American junk food (hamburgers, pizza, etc.)
• Shelter, such as a basement

How to survive: If the aliens are the friendly kind, befriend them! Show them around Earth by taking them to parties and taking them to Five Guys Burgers and Fries to try our food, so they can enjoy their time here. Then, have them teach you about alien life and culture. If the aliens are not the friendly kind, I advise running as far away from them as possible and hiding until our government and military deals with them.