Four students have been sent home this past week with these symptoms, and the number is expected to skyrocket within the next week.

Saliva swab samples from all four students revealed live cultures of hydrococcus bacteria.

Although infected students are expected to remain out of school for a minimum of three weeks, the disease has spread to an estimated 250 students. These students should expect to feel the symptoms of hydroplidius within the next two days.

The source of this epidemic? There are several of them in our school: the water fountains.

Screened samples of the water in the school’s plumbing system have also suggested that the bacteria has likely spread to bathroom plumbing fixtures.

Students are advised to avoid use or contact with all water fountains. Pathologists also advise students to avoid contact with one another to prevent the spreading of hydroplidius.

Many students found this discovery to be a great inconvenience.

“I’m pretty grossed out. I bring a water bottle to school every day and refill it pretty often at school, so I guess I would have to stop doing that,” sophomore Mindy Lou said.

According to the administration, poison control will be coming to Wayland within the next two weeks to decontaminate the water fountains. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms mentioned above, seek medical help immediately.

This article is an April Fools’ Day joke!