I’m convinced Cupid has it in for me. As each Valentine’s Day rolls around, my heart plummets into a deep spiral of despair due to my embarrassing lack of a significant other. The fact that no one will spend the 90 seconds at Rite Aid to shell out $2.99 for that one Mylar balloon that specifically reminds them of me is heartbreaking. As everyone around me is being swept off their feet, receiving red paper hearts, and being wooed by the accompanying pack of gum, I, along with the other single people at WHS, are left to flounder in the dust.

My entire life thus far has proven to be a miserable failure. In my whole 16 years of existence, I have yet to find the “one.” What’s wrong with me? As a high school student, I know that these four years mark the peak of my romantic endeavors. I haven’t even had the delight of experiencing the exquisite, chalky aftertaste of a box of candy hearts. The fact that I have been deprived of this pleasure keeps me tossing and turning at night. All I yearn for is a polyester teddy bear holding a stuffed heart that reads, “I love you this much.” Until the day when I am mesmerized by the beady black eyes of that stuffed bear, my self-worth is left hanging in the balance.

My insignificance to society is only reinforced each time I see a couple with linked arms strolling down the hallway. I’m forced to rush into the nearest bathroom as I attempt to conceal the tears, saturated with melancholy, welling up in my eyes. What have I done to make myself so unattractive to the opposite sex?

My bruised ego is consoled by the quality Valentine’s-Day-themed literature displayed in the library — literature that is almost equal to the literary genius found in novels at the grocery store checkout line. As soon as those novels were enshrined on the front display atop the tasteful heart-covered plastic tablecloth, I eagerly scoured the enticing selection for a book that would fill the crippling void in my desolate heart. I just knew that valuable insights on love were to be found within the completely feasible plot of a Nicholas Sparks novel. The tale of innocent youth handicapped by unrequited love was so groundbreaking, so unprecedented in the romance genre that I had to take multiple reading breaks in order to process it. The unexpected ending which entailed the leading couple’s reconciliation and horseback ride into the sunset gave me hope that by next Valentine’s Day, their romantic success would surely translate seamlessly into my own experience.