“It’s just about the only ‘itis’ word I like!” claims Jimmy Walsh. “Sure, I’ve never had arthritis, or bronchitis, or dermatitis, but from what I can tell, this is the best of them all.”

What Walsh, a member of the Wayland High School Class of 2010, is describing, of course, is Senioritis. The simple, contagious, and seemingly harmless condition which annually plagues thousands across the country is beginning to claim its victims in larger numbers, as 2010ers settle in to the notorious “Second Semester” of high school.

“It’s become especially rampant in these parts,” explains Jane Meadows, author of a parental-fiction-thriller novel Why Your Kids are Failing. Meadows recently announced the publishing date of a sequel, titled They May be Smart, But It Doesn’t Mean They’re Intelligent.

“More and more students learn for the sake of getting good grades, with their ultimate goal being to get into college,” continued Meadows. “While this is seen as appropriate in our culture, it stifles creative learning and in many ways discourages curiosity and exploration for the sake of knowledge. When second semester rolls around, for the many seniors who have already gotten acceptance letters, their incentive to learn is gone.”

Lack of energy is a major symptom associated with the disease, accompanying others such as lack of motivation, and simply “not caring.” Not only are infected students reluctant to finish assignments, they actually find it difficult to summon the brainpower needed to answer even the simplest questions or recall basic facts.

“Even the brightest students find themselves inexplicably drawn to the dark side during these months,” an anonymous guidance counselor told us sadly. “I’ve lost many wonderful students to the decadent and tempting Senior Slump lifestyle.”

Although the medical term for the condition is Senioritis, it is also commonly referred to as Senior Slump.

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Warren Holmes openly admits to being a carrier of Senioritis. “Okay, maybe kids are getting a bit lazy during their final stretch of high school, but don’t try to tell me this hasn’t been around for a few centuries,” said Holmes. “I mean, Abe Lincoln went through senior slump his last two months of high school, and he still went on to become the first president and died at the ripe old age of ninety-five!”

Holmes was told that that Lincoln never attended high school, but simply waved it off, saying, “Hey, those are just details. At least I get the big picture. If I recall correctly, Lincoln reached the height of his career when he worked in those underground railroads, which eventually blossomed into our great cross-country subway system.”

What is even more astounding than Holmes’ historical knowledge and all-together stupidity, is the fact that he maintained an A average in U.S. History his junior year. He plans to pursue a major in History this fall at Harvard.

Another intriguing case is that of Annie Jenkins, a senior and member of the National Honors Society. Her mother, Doreene Jenkins, reports that upon finishing midterm exams, Annie returned home, ate a sandwich, and headed up to her room, telling her mother, “Wake me up for graduation.”

Two weeks later, Jenkins has yet to regain consciousness, puzzling doctors and worrying her mother. Gary Fenton, a local veterinarian, theorizes that she may be simply acting as bears do in the winter.

“They see the season as useless, and nature tells ’em it’ll be over fastest if they just pass out until the sun’s shining again,” said Fenton. “Bears can’t help themselves, it’s just what they do. Maybe Annie’s just taking a leaf outta their book.”

A third and more common victim of Senior Slump is the willing contractor of the disease, such as Jimmy Walsh. But while Walsh woke up the Monday after midterms with a clear-cut case, others don’t have it quite as easy.

“I’m trying really hard to catch it,” Thompson said. “From what I’ve seen it’s loads of fun, and since I’ve gotten into all of my top schools early action, I don’t see any harm.”

Thompson, however, is having trouble “catching” Senioritis. A compulsive learner, he frequently goes to bed without doing his homework, only to wake up in the morning and find he has managed to complete it while sleeping.

“All my friends show up to class now and are clueless—they bomb tests, turn in magazine clippings instead of homework, and don’t even care!” said Thompson, “I’m telling you, I’m finally understanding what that guy meant when he said ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ That’s totally where it’s at right now, and where I aspire to be.”