Ever wonder who that mysterious man behind the desk in the Academic Center is? Unless you’re a library regular, you probably don’t know too much about him. Here’s a brief preview: a graduate of Westfield State College, Mr. Walsh has an affinity for sports, Natalie Portman and cheesecake. His official title is Academic Center Teaching Assistant, a job that he says he might not even give up for a “magic bullet”.

Waytown Cosmo’s own Gabe Sehringer ventured up into the depths of the library to dig up a little more information for you…

Why do you think Waytown Cosmo chose to interview you?

I’m the greatest staff member that nobody knows.

Use three adjectives to describe yourself.

Magnanimous, contemplative and courageous

If you were in a bar fight, name one person you would want on your side.

Gandhi. I’ll put him in front of me so that the person I’m fighting with would have to hit Gandhi. And really, who’s actually gonna hit Gandhi?

What is your favorite kitchen appliance?

The “magic bullet”. It’s a blender. I like it because of the awesome infomercials and the different colored lip rings, so that you can tell which one is yours.

If you can date any celebrity in the world, who would it be?

Natalie Portman. She’s my favorite actress – because of Star Wars episode II. If anybody’s seen that they know why.

What is your favorite magazine besides Waytown Cosmo?

Sports Illustrated because I’m a sucker for sports.

Is there any particular advice that you get out of that magazine?

How to throw a knuckleball like Tim Wakefield

[adrotate group = “2”]

What is your favorite pickup line?

“Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”

What is one of your pet peeves?

Do you know when people walk with their feet pointed outwards? That bothers me beyond belief.

If you could have one superpower for a day, what would it be?

Time travel, so I could be a part of major events in history, like being in a room where Nicholas Cage has been.

What do you like to eat for breakfast?

Coco Puffs and chocolate milk. (I’ve never had that before…)

If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

Lee Harvey Oswald – the guy who supposedly killed JFK – just to see if he really did it.

What’s your favorite day of the year?

August 3rd. It doesn’t need an explanation.

What do you plan to do once you retire?

Go to every major league baseball park.

If you controlled the world for a day, what would you do to change it?

I would sample every type of cheesecake that I could get my hands on.

If you were an animal, what type would you be?

A jaguar, because I would like to roam the jungle and climb trees with my jaguar claws.