Autumn is an important season for the seniors at Wayland High School. Finally, they are cracking down to decide how the rest of their lives will unwind.  Some will move on to a four year college to earn their bachelors’ degrees in their respective fields. Others will take a year off and spend time traveling or participating in internships. A very small percentage of students have decided to follow their passions and will be on some unique career paths by fall of next year.

Those of us who graduate high school and still can’t decide what to do with their lives may turn down a path of self expansion looking for bigger and better things. Many young adults decide to travel the world and search for an identity that may define them. The foolhardy and ultimately disillusioned teenagers who take this path often find themselves on a downward spiral of helplessness.

Most students begin these trips thinking they will be journeys of enlightenment and discovery, when in reality they just end up in frightening and unfortunate situations. According to a National Geographic field test, there are two scenarios most common to the fresh-out-of-high-school traveler seeking a spiritual meaning to his life:

1. The traveler quickly runs out of money and realizes that maybe he should’ve gotten a job before embarking on a global excursion. If this happens to you, expect to spend up to 3 months bumming money as a street performer in some random European city.
2. The traveler greatly offends someone with his rude American mannerisms, and then is incarcerated and/or beheaded for simple mistakes. In other words, the breathtaking trip backpacking through the Swiss Alps for a year will invariably end in an utter flop.

Another alternative to the typical four year college experience is to simply “chill” following graduation. Some students decide to leech off their parents’ hard earned money and live free of responsibility. This lifestyle is also referred to as “freeloading.”

The average freeloader sits around all day, watches re-runs of The Price is Right, and snacks on delicious Nacho Cheese Doritos. The great thing about this career path is that if you don’t like Doritos, you can head out to Donelan’s to purchase some Fritos or honey buns, because you probably don’t have anything better to do with your life.

Mooching has become even more profitable in these hard economic times, and it will surprisingly leave you in great financial shape. The only challenge associated with living this kind of lifestyle is figuring out how you will sleep at night knowing that you’re a lazy, inconsiderate bum and a burden to your family.

Lastly, when a normal university is too conventional, a superb alternative for higher education is Clown School. Each grade at WHS has its fair share of clowns, whether it’s that kid who asks clearly idiotic questions in class to get a couple of awkward chuckles, or that guy who continuously pokes the girl in front of him, thinking to himself that it’s the greatest joke ever created.

The Massachusetts Institute of Clownology, or MIC, is an ideal place for students to follow their dreams of becoming professional idiots. MIC guarantees its graduates will be earning up to a solid 9 dollars an hour following graduation, making the career a better choice than both gas station attendant and deli clerk. Possible majors range anywhere from unicycle repair to balloon animal design, and the school is well known for its highly esteemed programs in scaring small children senseless.

These wonderful programs are synonymous with MIC’s proverb: “Always avoiding the harsh realities of life.”  MIC has a lot to offer those high school seniors who are on the fence about what to do with their lives. Who knew becoming a clown could be so easy and done in such little time? Students can expect to graduate in as few as 6 weeks! This short school year ensures that MIC graduates will be out of school and off to a life of goofing off as soon as possible.

Whichever path you take, make sure you’re always doing what you feel passionate about. High School prepares us for great things, and we must allow ourselves to enjoy what we do once we leave the walls of adolescence behind. So to all you snack-happy freeloaders, goofy clown applicants, and aimless travelers, best of luck!