Why do you think Waytown Cosmo chose to interview you?

I’m pretty awesome.

Name three adjectives that describe you as a person.

Studly, brilliant and sophisticated.

What do you like to eat for breakfast?

Cinnamon Life. You know, Life with cinnamon. It gives me a little buzz, before I go to school.

What is one of your pet peeves?

I don’t like freshmen, they kind of bother me. Freshmen…

What is your favorite magazine besides Waytown Cosmo?

That’s a tough one. I think it’s gonna be a tie between Seventeen and Cosmogirl.

Is there any particular advice that you get out of that magazine?

I learn the greatest tips for flirting; that’s not exactly my area of expertise.

Do you have any siblings? If so, which one do you like better?

I have 2 siblings, there’s Jonah and then there’s Isaac. It’s about a tie. Jonah kinda shuns me at school and pretends he’s not related to me, despite how cool I am. Isaac’s pretty chill, like a little blonde version of me, so y’know, you can’t be hatin’.

What do you look for in a girl?

She has to be between 5 foot 1 and 5 foot 6, and she has to be able to fly.

If you could be any type of fruit, which type would you be and why?

I would be…a pear. Because I have soap in my bathroom that’s pear-scented, and it smells pretty good.

What is something nobody knows about you?

The stubble grows more on this side of my face [makes gesture], than this one.

If you were given 1 million dollars, what would you spend it on?

I would buy a personal hairdresser who could do something funky to my hair everyday. He’d just sit there and wait for me…

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

I would change it to Zebulon or Lance. What’s another cool name? My nickname could be Ziggy…

If you were to go to jail, what crime would you have committed?

Identity theft. I would try to be you. It would work for like a week, probably.

If you could live in a country besides your own, where would you live?

Holland, because everyone rides crappy bikes but everyone’s really happy. In the week I was there, everyone rode in front of buses, but no one ever got hit.

What do you hope to do after college?

I want to be a mailman and live in an obscure Arab country like Yemen.

Do you have a celebrity crush?

Definitely Gabe Sehringer, reporter for Waytown Cosmo. What a hottay!

What was the happiest moment of your life?

Probably one of the days following my birth, before I could understand the evils of this world. All I cared about was eating and sleeping – those were the days.

What would your ideal pet be?

Fo’ sho’, a penguin. Or maybe a snow leopard, those things are frickin’ sweet.

What is your favorite sport?

Jousting. I’ve never tried it, but it’s always had a certain appeal to me.

If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

It depends on what’s for dinner. Plus, I don’t want to have dinner with a dead guy, that’s gross.

If you could have one superpower for a day, what would it be, and why?

Here’s the thing. I would want to have the ability to be able to turn my eyes red at will. Then I could freak people out and it’s be hilarious. Or, I’d want to be able to grow a third arm from the center of my chest. A right hand of course, because left hands are lame.