As the Halloween spirit comes to life at Wayland, Caitlin gives some advice on how to train for a zombie apocalypse.

Hurricane Sandy has reminded many of us of exactly what year it is: 2012. Those of us schooled in the study of apocalyptic events, however, know that Sandy is only the beginning. I hope you and your family took a trip to BJ’s to stockpile for a The Day After Tomorrow scenario. Also, you should begin preparing yourself mentally and physically for the final stage of the apocalypse: the zombie apocalypse.

Obviously cardio training is a zombie apocalypse necessity. To prepare yourself for all potential chases between you and the undead, I would recommend both long distance training and sprints with plenty of hills to prepare you for any scenario. Long distance training will ensure that you have the endurance to get back to your base camp in a timely manner during a scouting mission. Sprints will do you well when a zombie is actually on your tail. Depending on how recently the zombie has been transformed, they may have the capability of running at faster rates than expected.

What is not as obvious as cardio, and is often neglected, is upper body strength. Ideally, long distance weaponry is preferred when protecting yourself in a zombie apocalypse. The farther you are from the undead, the less likely you’ll be to become one of them yourself. Unfortunately, many human refugees forget that zombie-eradication equipment is very heavy and do not have the upper body strength to hold their defense for long periods of time. When humans drop their weaponry, you can guess what happens to them next.

Sometimes, though, we cannot choose at what range we face off against a zombie. Sometimes, we must muster the courage to risk close range, hand to hand combat. While this is risky, it is necessary. So if you are going to meet defeat, you might as well go down in style. Pick whichever martial art speaks to you, and dedicate yourself to attaining the highest level of achievement in that discipline.

On the note of martial arts and physical disciplines, be sure that you are also routinely training in parkour or free-running. For those of you who will be the first to fall — I mean, those of you who don’t know what either of those disciplines are, their aims are to overcome obstacles in both urban and natural settings. From the woods to an amusement park, you will be able to efficiently navigate any zombie-infested playground.

Finally, a Zen & M’s favorite: practice yoga and meditation. Of course, one must be of sound body to survive the zombie apocalypse, but it is even more important to be of sound mind. One cannot guess what he or she will encounter during a disaster of this magnitude, and only those of us with mental fortitude will make it. You will be challenged in ways you have never imagined and experience a level of stress not even Honors Chemistry has ever been able to induce. The time may come when you are asked to battle one of your best friends because once someone is undead, there is no turning back.

So, as I finish typing with the power out, I can only wonder what will happen next. As I said before, Sandy, “Frankenstorm,” is only the beginning.